iFly
Year 2050
Good afternoon and welcome aboard to Eagle airlines! This is your captain speaking. The duration of this flight will be approximately seven hours from Shanghai to New York. A special welcome to our first class passengers, we have a full course meal from our very own Michelin starred chef, a unique collection of exclusive alcohols to ease your mind, and a porthole where you can view with your own eyes the natural splendor of the Himalayan mountains as we pass over. Also great news! We no longer require a curtain to separate first class from the rest of the cabin. Our unique SlimWall™ will now replace the curtain. The proprietary technology of SlimWall ensures that our first class passengers will not be disturbed by the smells of our economy class bathrooms, the cries of babies in the hands of economy class passengers, and the general mass of ordinary people towards the back. Also, as you may have noticed, we do not have a separate boarding process for first class and economy class passengers, cutting our boarding time by 80%!
This is because we have completely overhauled the design of our economy class cabins from the ground up. One of our senior engineers proposed a brilliant thought, “What if we treated our economy class passengers the way we treated our economy class luggage?” And so, for the past five years, we have been developing in our secret labs the next generation of mass economy class air transportation. Make no mistake, this is a revolution on the level of the iPhone, the Ford Model T… We call it…… iFly™!
iFly, based on the revolutionary concept of person as luggage, builds on the time, space, and logistical efficiencies of currently existing luggage handling, and was also inspired by the concept of shipping containers, which has revolutionized the way we conduct global trade between manufacturing sectors of multinational corporations.
We started by reinventing the boarding process for economy class passengers. Instead of going through layers of security, terminal transportation, and waiting in boring queues, passengers begin boarding directly at the check-in counter! After you check-in, you are first directed to a compact private room where you can undress. You can put your clothes in a chute within the room and they are guaranteed to be retrieved at your destination. Then an open, personalized casket arrives in your room. Don’t worry! It’s not your funeral. It’s the beginning of an efficient and enjoyable journey to your destination.
Once you enter the casket, an anesthetic mask will cover your mouth. An anesthetic will be applied to all iFly passengers so that they enter a deep stupor. The casket will close, and the casket will enter the same logistical warehouse of the airport as where the luggage is handled. This ensures that the casket will be handled with the utmost efficiency in its rendevous from check-in to the airplane, and we pass the cost savings on to you. An algorithm then determines the most efficient configuration of the caskets of iFly passengers, and autonomous robots place these caskets according to the algorithm. Note again that we pass these cost savings on to you!
We also devoted a great deal of thought and care in to the experience and personalization of iFly so that iFly matches your needs.
Our base casket configuration was designed to maximize cost savings to the extreme. In the base configuration, the anesthetic will lull you into a stupor in which you lose all your sensations, including time. You will be woken up at your destination, and you won’t even think a second has passed!
However, we recognize that many iFly passengers want more. They want an experience. In order to provide this experience within the casket, we teamed up with Elon Musk’s company Neuralink to develop an electrode head mask that stimulates the neurons in your brain and lulls you into the dream of your desires.
We offer a great selection of dreams at different price points. Our most popular dream is a simulation of being in our first class cabin. You can taste the food and see the sights of a first class cabin passenger without incurring the physical costs!
For customers willing to pay more, we can simulate the experience of being in a five star Carribean resort, and we can even slow down the sensation of time so that you can enjoy your stay to the fullest! Our first class cabin passengers would be jealous.
Of course, being in a stupor, you would naturally be concerned about the safety of your naked body throughout the duration of the flight. For that, we are the exclusive provider of our carefully crafted iFly insurance!
We offer a variety of tiers. While insurance is not required, we highly recommend iFlyCare, which offers up to $1,000 dollar reimbursement for any bodily damages incurred in the duration of the flight. However, we suggest the best value is iFlyCare+, which offers up to $10,000 dollar reimbursement for bodily damages in addition to 24/7 priority access to health support.
Finally, we offer a series of services in order to advance Environmental, Social, and Corporate Governance (ESG) which we call WeFly.
- Environmental Governance: We offer the opportunity for fellow iFly passengers to buy the amount of carbon footprint and guilt of their flight, which is minimal given the very efficiency increases of iFly technology. We include these carbon footprint costs in the ticket by default so you don’t have to feel guilty!
- Social Governance: We provide passengers the opportunity to pay to connect to the dreams of and interact with fellow passengers through the Neuralink Network!
- Third World Impact: We kindly ask our fellow iFly passengers to donate to our effort to fundraise iFly ticket costs for refugees in third world islands. These refugees are desparate to escape the unbearable heat and drought due to climate change, and we would like to provide the opportunity for these refugees to experience iFly while escaping their uninhabitable home!
- Corporate Governance: Apart from management, our company is fully automated to free humans from the drudgery of labor!
Remember, WeFly for ESG!
The casket solves the greatest contributor to the cost of air travel– space efficiency. We can confidently claim that iFly is the technology that has democratized air travel! You better be sure that we have patented all of these revolutionary technologies, so that we are the one trusted place to go for these incredible cost savings for the next 20 years!